


Talk

by Robronobsession



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2016-04-19
Packaged: 2018-05-09 09:29:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5534732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robronobsession/pseuds/Robronobsession
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(AU where Gordon did something different to Aaron) Aaron confesses what Gordon did to him to Chas, unknown to them Gordon attacks Robert after an argument which leads to Robert being hospitalised.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning of self harm, rape, eating disorders, child abuse mentioned, sexual abuse mentioned

Robert was at home, Aaron was at the pub, with Gordon. Aaron and Gordon got in an argument and now Aaron sat with Chas in the back room as Gordon got more and more drunk in the pub. Gordon got up, angry, and walked out of the pub.  
“Why do you hate him so much love?” Chas asked concerned. Aaron just looked at the floor. Chas noticed a tear fall onto the sofa and knelt down in front of her son. “Aaron?” Chas touched his hands but he moved them back slowly.  
“Please just make him go.”  
“Why love? Did he do something?” She could tell by his reaction it was a yes.

The argument earlier included Robert, so Gordon marched round there. Robert was alone on the sofa when he marched through the unlocked door.  
“What are you doing here!?” Robert shot up when he saw him. Gordon wondered round the room and knocked a few things onto the floor.  
“Aaron been saying things about me?” Robert didn’t say anything, just stood there breathing heavily. Gordon laughed and walked closer. There was something in his eyes, a look, that reminded Robert of so many men that he used to know, that used to buy him for the night. A twisted look, like they were invincible, and they wanted power over someone.


	2. Chapter 2

“What did he do love.” She noticed Aaron freeze but also look like he wanted to run. “Did he hurt you?” Chas asked with kindness and also confusion in her voice. “Yeah.” Aaron said quietly, trying to keep his voice from breaking just in that simple word that kept his whole childhood. Chas’s eyes widened, she looked over Aaron then to the floor then back. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He breathed heavily and looked in her eyes, still desperately trying not to cry, well more then he was. "If he hit you love.” Aaron stood up and walked over to the table.  
“He didn’t hit me.” Aaron said, small and broken. Chas stood up slowly, her brain trying hard not to let what Aaron said mean anything. She breathed in shakily.   
“What?" She stepped closer. “What do you mean love.” Aaron's lips pulled down as he tried and failed to stop the tears. He cried and his body didn’t want to stay up. Chas ran up to her son and pulled him into a tight hug, her keeping him up. 

"Get out!” Robert shouted. Gordon stepped closer. “You disgust me. You’re a sick twisted barsted.” Robert tried to stair him down, the man repulsed him, made his skin crawl being in the same room as him.  
“Says you, like shagging men? Like getting told what to do? What daddy never loved you enough?” Gordon looked at him like he was nothing. “You little pufferter, need a man to be in charge? I’ll show you a real man if you want."  
“Say's you. Made you feel big did it? Because your a pefetic pervert! Getting your kicks out of..” Gordon punched him. He grabbed him and shoved him so his back was against the table. He looked Robert in the eyes and lent against him so hard he felt Roberts heart beat fast in his chest, along with other things.  
“Think you’re a big man do ya?” Gordon spat.  
“Get off me.” Robert said more fear then anger in his voice now. “Get off me!" Gordon shoved him hard against the table. Robert tried to get free of his grip but that made Gordon turn him so his face was pressed painfully hard against the wooden surface. Robert tried still to get free of his grip. “Get off me!” Robert shouted so Gordon wrapped his hand round Roberts mouth. Robert kicked out as his shouts were muffled. 

Chas held Aaron out, her hands on his shoulders. “What did he do to you?” Chas said strongly, trying not to show how much she wanted to find Gordon and kill him. Aaron looked like he was going to break down. “Did he touch you?” She knew she was speaking like he was still a child, she knew he was grown up but how els was she meant to ask. Ask her own son if his farther melesterd him? When Aaron nodded thats when she felt like she had died inside. She hugged him tight and cried as he did, kissing his hair.


	3. Chapter 3

“Did he rape you?” Chas asked holding him close to her then held Aaron’s face in her hands “Did you have sex with…” She gasped out air when he shook his head and gently said .“No.” She nearly collapsed with relief and hugged him tight again. She breathed out shakily and loosened her grip so she could see him. She stroked his hair as she looked at him. “What did he do?” Aaron could tell she just wanted to cry, that he was breaking her heart, but he couldn’t hold it in anymore. “He made me do stuff, to, to,” He wiped his eyes as the tears fell so very quickly. “And he tou, touched m, me…” She held him close again, and if anyone else was there they would of ran and hide just due to the look in her eyes. 

Gordon pulled back, but Robert wasn’t struggling anymore. He lay half on the table and let tears fall. He heard Gordons zip go up and he pulled Robert around and he just fell so he was sitting on the floor. He watched Gordon go to the kitchen and grab a cookie Vic had backed earlier. Robert just stared into space. Before, when he used to get brought for the night, he didn’t see himself as a person. He was just a possession, something that was brought and, sometimes, stolen. Sometimes people would do similar things to what just happened then their’d pay him and his mind blocked out any questioning to what had happened, if it was wrong. Sometimes he’d wake up in the night or morning to a man on him, he hid his face in the pillow and bit it till it was over. But that was then and he started to feel like he was him, himself. He felt human and worth something other then money. But now he didn’t. The man in front of him eating his sisters cookies took it away from him. He held his knees close to his chest, Gordon laughed quietly as he left Robert just sitting there, no emotions on his face which was almost all covered by his knees. He left and decided to walk back to the pub.

“Im so sorry love.” She said hugging him. Aaron couldn’t say is was ok because it wasn’t, he wasn’t. “Did he force you or manipulate you or..” Thoughts ran through Chas’s head at rates she couldn't control. Aaron didn’t know how to answer, he didn’t know any better, know it was wrong, but then sometimes he would of made him do it, and sometimes Aaron would cry then be comforted by the same method that made him cry. “He told me it was because he loved me.” Aaron said remembering the messed up lies he was told. “The reason I punched Sandra was she told me I was sick and twisted, that Gordon was her’s.” Aaron said it more letting the words fall from his mouth then thinking about them, thinking about the small jealousy in his voice or the sadness there for the wrong reasons. Chas loosened her grip again.  
“You hit her because she said he was hers? Because she was going to take him away from you?” She remembers saying that and having that said to her many times about lots of men, the jealousy of having him taken away from you. Is that how Gordon made Aaron feel? Jealous of Sandra, did Gordon make Aaron feel like he wanted him, Aaron wanted Gordon to? He nodded. At the time he couldn’t help hate her for taking him away from him, his dad was the only person that was there for him, or that he thought was there for him. Aaron sat down on a pulled out chair and Chas couldn’t help herself. She stormed through to the pub leaving a half crying Aaron just sat there. 

Andy opened the door to Vic’s and walked in. He stopped when he saw Robert just sat on the floor with his knees up.  
“You ok.” He didn’t say it in a passing way, he wouldn’t of bothered if it wasn’t a actually concern. Robert didn’t even move, well more then the small movements he was making that could be described as shakes. Andy walked closer, knowing that Vic was right behind him. She stood at the door when she saw Robert with his knees up in front of him as he shakes and Andy slowly moves closer. “Robert.” He asked but Roberts face was the only change, it looked like he was holding back tears. Vic walked closer towards her brothers. She knelt down in front of Robert but didn’t yet dear touch him. “Robert whats the matter?” Then Andy noticed paper on the floor pushed off the table, the water from the tipped over verse and then Robert. His trousers where lightly pulled onto him but unzipped, low round the back. He noticed the stuff smashed round the room then looked back to Robert.  
“Im gonna be sick.” Robert said the shakes turning into gags as Vic ran and returned with a bowl just in time as Robert hurled his guts up. Vic tried to confit him by rubbing his back but as soon as she touched him he flinched. “Im gonna get Diane.” Andy said standing up both because Vic and Robert would want her here but also because he was out of his depths and didn’t know what to do.


	4. Chapter 4

“Where is he?!” Chas said as she stormed into the pub.  
“Who?” Marlon asked.  
“Gordon!"  
“I saw him going into Vic’s place.” Aaron walked in in time to hear the last bit from Pete when he grabbed his mum’s arm.  
“Please mum.” She would of gone back through if it wasn’t for Gordon walking in just then. The entire pub knew something was up by her look, if looks could kill.  
“Im gonna kill you.” She said looking at Gordon, and everyone believed her. Gordon looked to Aaron then back at Chas.  
“What ever he said he’s lying.” He looked back to Aaron briefly.  
“Don’t you even look at him! Don’t you dare!”  
“Wow Chas whats the matter?” Marlon asked concerned.  
“Aarons just been lying haven’t you son?"  
“He is not your son! You are no kind of farther!”  
“And you were there for him when he was younger…!”  
“If I was I wouldn’t of abused him!”  
“What?!” Diane said standing up from her seat at a table.  
“He’s lying.” Gordon said not moving his eyes from Chas. Diane looked to Aaron and could tell it was true. He stood frozen, eyes watering, staring at Gordon.  
“Mum please.” He said voice breaking. Doug stood up next to Diane and Emma put a hand on James shoulder to keep him down.  
“Tell them you’re lying.” Gordon said.  
“No.” Aaron said, he shook his head letting tears form in his eyes and roll over. “Not here please mum.” He said looking back to Chas.  
“It’s not how you think Chas, I swear..” He walked forward and touched her arm as she was looking to Aaron as he spoke, she would of gone through to the back but the touch made her flip.  
“Don’t you dare touch me!” She pushed him away. “And don’t you dare touch my son again! You sick barsted!”  
The pub went quiet, the random punters stopped their talk of the argument or of random things and the regulars stopped the whispers they dared to speak when Chas was shouting.  
"Go." Aaron said looking at his father. "Don't come near me and don't go near Robert, Pete told us you were up at Vic's earlier." Gordon did a laugh which made the pub more unsettled then before. Just then Andy, who nobody had seen entire, spun Gordon around and punched him.  
"It was you! What did you do to my brother?!"  
"Andy!" Diane shouted grabbing her step son. "Andy what's the matter?" She said shocked by his actions.  
"It's Robert he's..." He looked a Diane not knowing the right words. "Something happened." He said voice breaking a little.  
"What did you do to him!" Aaron shouted. Gordon laughed.  
"I'm sure he loved it." Aaron wanted to swing for him but he was frozen to the spot. Andy did though, and he knocked him out cold. 

Diane ran with Andy back to the house. Where Robert was hugging the sick bowl shaking, while Vic sat on the edge of the sofa staring at him.  
"He hasn't spoken since you left." Vic said not looking away from Robert but she could see them in the mirror behind the table.  
"Robert speak to me." Diane said kneeling down. "What happened? What did he do to you." Andy put his hands on Vic's shoulders and kissed her head. She let tears roll down her face as she watched her brother stay the same. Diane closed her eyes. "Andy call 999." She said. "Talk to me love." She said but Robert didn't respond.  
Andy got his phone out and rang. "It's my brother, Robert, he's been attacked."  
"Ok where are you?" The woman asked down the phone and Andy gave their address.  
"The attackers at the wool pack pub in Emmerdale." Andy said trying not to cry down the phone.  
"Can you tell me what happened? Is your brother hurt badly?"  
"He's not moving, he's not beaten up, he's just sitting there." 

Pete ran round to Debbie's knowing the kids were meant to be going to Andy's and she'd want to know about her cousin.  
"Pete?" She said confused. Cain was sitting on the sofa with his grandson.  
"You need to get to the pub." He said.  
"Why?" She asked and Cain put Jack on the sofa as he stood up.  
"Chas's just flipped in the pub."  
"Is it her ptsd?" Cain said quickly.  
"No. She just found out Gordon used to abuse Aaron."  
"What!" Cain shouted. "Debby take the kids to Andy's now, I'm gonna kill him."  
"You can't take the kids to their dads."  
"Why?" Debby asked.  
"Gordon attacked Robert."  
"You look after the kids, Debby come on." They ran to the pub as Ross walked in and Pete explained what had happened. 

Gordon woke in a booth with Doug and James stood above him. Keeping him away from getting out. Cain stormed through the doors followed by Debby.  
"What did you do to Aaron!" He said walking in seeing Gordon.  
"Cain." Chas said leaving Aaron who was sat on a bar seat.  
"Pete came round, told us you used to abuse Aaron!"  
"Cain!" Chas said grabbing his arm stopping him from going closer to Gordon.  
"You find out he used to beat up your son and you're protecting him?!" Cain pulled away from his sisters grip.  
"He didn't beat me up." Aaron said quietly looking at Cain. Cain turned to Aaron.  
"What so you were lying...." Cain could see he wasn't lying and shot back to Gordon before marching over and grabbing him.  
"What did you do to him?" Cain practically screamed.


	5. Chapter 5

“He loved every second of it!” Gordon spat at Cain. Cain punched Gordon, causing blood to pour from his nose. He didn’t see Aaron look down ashamed. Debbie did though. She walked up to Aaron as Chas tried to pull Cain off as he kept punching Gordon.   
“What did he do to you?” Debbie asked, Aaron didn’t answer he just kept looking down and cried. She turned round. “What did you do to Aaron?!, To Robert?!” Gordon sat in the booth lazily, once Cain was pulled away.   
“What did you do to Robert?” Aaron asked quietly looking up. When he didn’t answer Aaron stood up. "What did you do to him?!”   
“Im sure he loved it as much as you did!” Gordon laughed.   
“What did you do?” Aaron said calmer, more fright then clam actually, terrified for Robert.  
“What you never would.” Gordon said quietly, leaning back on the seat. 

The police parked up out side the wool pack and Vic’s house. A policeman and woman walked into Victorias house along with the paramedics. A women paramedic knelt down next to Robert.   
“Can you tell me your name?” Robert didn’t move. “Can you tell me what happened?” Still nothing. Andy spoke.  
“Im the one who phoned.” The woman looked up. “He hasn’t moved, we found him like this his trousers… there undone and..” He stopped as Vic sobbed into him, he hugged his sister.  
“Robert-“ The woman said. “Is it ok if you come with us?” Nothing in return. “Ok, can you stand?” When he did nothing she turned to her colleagues. “He’s non responsive.” They nodded and one walked over while the other left the house. “Nod if you under stand what I’m sing mr…”  
“Sugden.” Diane said.  
“Mr Sugden-" The woman continued. “-we’re going to take you somewhere where you can be examined, where people can help you is that ok?” He didn’t move so she turned to Diane. “Are you family?”   
“Yes.”   
“Can we take Mr Sugden in the ambulance?” The woman asked as the paramedic that left walked in with a wheelchair.   
“Yes.” Diane said. “Whats wrong with him?”   
“By the looks of things he’s shut down mentally, it can happen after a traumatic event.”   
“I don’t understand what happened.” Vic said. “He couldn’t of been alone more then an hour.” She sobbed. “Who did this to him?” Andy kissed her head and hugged her again. The man with the wheelchair walked over to them.  
“Is it ok if me and my colleagues touch you to help you into the wheelchair?” She breathed out heavily realising she wasn’t going to get a response. Diane nodded closing her eyes before stepping back.  
“Ben I think its better if you don’t help.” She said to the man with the wheelchair who nodded and stepped away. She looked to the female officer. “Would you?” The paramedic asked and the officer nodded and walked over as the male paramedic, ben, walked over to the policeman.  
“Me and my colleagues are going to help you into the wheelchair now ok. We wont hurt you, please don’t lash out or try and harm one of us, do you under stand?” They could of guessed his response, or lack of.

Two other officers walked into the pub to see a man with a smug smile and a bleeding face in a booth and a angry man with tears down his face trying to go for him getting pulled back by two women. “He’s not worth it.” One of the women shouted at the man they were trying to calm down.   
“Im gonna kill you if you even touched Robert!” The man screamed. One of the police officers coughed to get attention.  
“Thats actually why were here.” The policewoman said.   
“We’ve been informed of an attack at Keepers Cottage involving a man called Robert.” The policeman said.   
“It was him.” Aaron spat at his dad. “Im gonna kill you!”   
“His names Gordon Livesy, and he’s a pervert and a child abuser.” Chas told the officers. Only James, Emmer, Cain, Doug and Debbie were in the pub except Chas, Aaron and Gordon now (after she kicked everyone else out). But she still wished the pub was emptier when she told the officers that. Gordon tried to stand up but James pushed him down.   
“Mr Livesy you are under arrest…” As the police man read out his rights and hand cuffed him the police women talked to Chas.  
“Can you tell us who you believe he abused.”  
“My son.” Chas said looking to Aaron. “He raised him, I didn’t know, Im so sorry Aaron."  
“You Aaron?” She turned to him.  
“Yes.”   
“Ok, your going to have to come down to the station, it would be best if you drove down separately.”  
“I’ll drive you.” Chas said.  
“Do you know whats happening to Robert?” He asked her and she grabbed her walky-talky.   
“Can we have an update on Robert…”  
“Sugden.” Aaron said.  
“We’er about to take him to hospital.” The man on the other line said. “He’s in a non responsive state, the girls are about to help him into a wheelchair, hows it going your end?”  
“The suspect has been detained and we are going to drive him to the station, another victim is going to be taken separately to the station.”


	6. Chapter 6

And there was the word Aaron dreaded ever since he worked out it was wrong, ‘Victim’. He never felt like a victim when it was happening, well most of the time. Gordon said it was because he loved him, that he was special but then he stopped. Aaron started acting out after his sister was born, after Gordon left him alone and he worked out he was a victim. The two officers took Gordon outside and drove him to the station. 

The women helped, or rather put, Robert into the wheelchair. He didn’t move as they lifted him up and put him down.   
“We’er going to wheel you to the ambulance now.” The woman said and she looked to Roberts family. “Would one of you like to come in the ambulance?”   
“I will.” Andy said.  
“Do one of you want to get a change of clothes for him?”   
“Yeah.” Vic said and quickly ran upstairs, she grabbed a t-shirt and jogging bottoms, along with a pair of boxers. When she ran downstairs Diane was waiting at the door and Robert and Andy were in the ambulance.   
“Come on.” Diane said locking the door after Vic walked out.  
“We’re be there as soon as we can Robert.” Vic said looking at her brother in the ambulance before her and Diane got in Diane’s car. One of the paramedics talked to them through the undone window. “We’er going to take Robert to a rape help centre, there's a psychiatrist ward. We can test him there too.”  
“Ok.” Diane said trying to stay strong as the ambulance doors closed and the paramedic walked away and got in the ambulance. Vic looked out the window and saw Gordon in the back of a police car as it drove past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I should write Gordon and Aaron talking to the police about what happened or if I should just say they have so please say which you'd prefer.


	7. Chapter 7

Aaron walked out of the questioning room to be met by his mum and Paddy. His mum hugged him.  
“Did you tell them everything love?”   
“Yeah.” Aaron said looking like his mind was else where.  
“Lets go home.”  
“Don’t they need your statements or something?” Aaron asked.  
“I talked to some officers while you were being questioned, so did paddy but the police said their’d take statements from the people who where at the pub later.”  
“Ok. Can we please go home?” Aaron said tears returning to his eyes.  
“Come on love.” They walked to the car the same as they drove back, in silence. Aaron pulled his hood up as he got out the car and walked to the door of the closed wool pack. He walked in silently but Chas didn’t let him decide weather he wanted to stay in the pub or the backroom or run upstairs before she spoke to him.  
“We need to talk love.”  
“Ive done enough of that today.”  
“I know, and you don’t know how proud I am of you for being so brave, for telling the police.”  
“Thanks.” He said sitting on a chair.  
“Adam said he wanted to come round later, if you wanted to talk.”  
“No, not really but i’ll have a pint with him if it’ll make you happy.”   
“Lov…”  
“I wanna go to sleep.” Aaron said standing up.   
“No.” Chas said quickly. “Not in your room, I don’t want you hurting your self.”  
“Mum…”  
“No!” Chas snapped, tears she was trying to hold back trying to roll over her eyes. “Im not walking in in the morning finding you dead because you cut yourself too deep or you just wanted to end it or..” Paddy tried to put a hand on her shoulder to calm her but she shugged him off. “Your not sleeping on your own thats the end of it.” She was breathing heavily once she finished.  
“Ok.” He said quietly. 

Andy stayed with Robert as they examined him, held his hand though he didn’t know if it made any difference. Nurses helped Robert washed then get changed into the clothes Vic got for him. Vic visited him later. Once the nurses gave him a white room with a white bed in it, which he laid in scrunched up, head peeking out over the cover, a nurse stood by the door as Vic walked over and sat on a chair by the bed.  
“Robert.” She said but she knew it would be one way. “Gordon's been arrested, Diane phoned Chas and she said Aaron's decided to talk with the police.”   
“She told Diane that… that Gordon abused Aaron. He’s giving his statement, your have to give yours soon. They have the swabs so thats evidence.” She looked down and wiped her eyes before looking back to her brother. “We’re all here for you.” She looked out the window to the hall and saw Diane and Andy stood in the same place where they were when she walked in. “See, even Andy's here for ya. Now thats got to mean something right?” She wanted to reach out and hold him, but she didn’t dare. “You gonna get a visit from the psychologist or psychiatrist or what ever their called... But were still gonna be here ok, just out side…”  
“Mrs Barton.” A nurse said and Vic knew she had to leave now.  
“I’ll be right outside. I promise.” She said slow tears running down her cheeks.

Chas sat at the kitchen table as Aaron slept on the sofa, she didn’t even know how he could sleep. How he ever got to sleep. He slowly started to wake after an hour or so and Chas couldn’t help her breathing hitch. How didn’t she know she asked her self over and over again, the answers as hunting as the question.  
“Mum?” He questioned as he woke seeing her at the table. “How long was I out for?”  
“An hour or two.”  
“You sat there the whole time?” He didn’t really need her answer in words he knew it was a yes.  
“Do you want a coffee?”   
“No.”  
“Do you want to talk?”  
“Mum.” He sat up a little hugging his duvet that Chas got for him from upstairs. “Does everyone know? About me and..”  
“No love, just are lot and and the Bartons and the Suddens…”  
“Robert?” Aaron looked down remembering what Gordon said about him. “What happened to him? Is he alright? Did Gordon, did he…” Aaron trailed off.  
“Gordon raped him." Aaron sniffed and nodded.  
"Where is he?" Aaron noticed that his mum stayed quiet. "Mum where's Robert?"   
"Diane said he's being looked after."   
"What do you mean looked after?"  
"He hasn't spoken, since well you know. Diane said they think he's shut down."  
"He'll be ok though? He's got to be."   
"I'm sure he'll be fine love, in a couple of days maybe less, maybe more. But it's you I'm worried about love."  
"Well don't."  
"Love your just admitted that your father abused you, you can't be alright after that."  
"I've dealt with it most my life, nothing's changed."  
"But it has Aaron, and I'm scared for you. That's why I phone your psychiatrist."  
"Mum."  
"You need to talk to someone, you need professional help Aaron. Please, please do this. For me if not yourself. I need to know your be ok."   
"Alright, I'll see them."

Robert stayed in bed as the woman walked in.  
"Mr Sugden, I'm Cathryn. I'm going to talk with you ok." She sat down on the seat Vic had sat on before she left to sit outside, not wanting to leave her brother.   
"Do you know why you're here." She didn't expect anything other then him just laying there. He didn't move.  
"You where raped by Gordon Livesy in your home. He's been arrested, he can't hurt you anymore I promise. It's ok if you can't hear me, or if you can. Most people just need time." She looked down to the clip board in her lap and wrote down a few notes before looking back to Robert. She went to speak again before she noticed a tear rolling down Robert's cheek.  
"Robert can you hear me? You're safe now ok." His face change from expressionless to one that looked like he was going to cry. And he did.


	8. Chapter 8

Robert's hands found the top of the duvet and held it closes as he cried. The silence of him turned to blubbers. Vic rushed to the door but a nurse outside put his hand out. "Mrs Barton..."  
"You can't just leave him like that."  
"Vic." Andy said from behind her.  
"Just let me in, I can help. Please, please he's my brother."  
"It's ok." Cathryn said to the nurse standing up. "Let her in." She ran through and saw Robert crying uncontrollably. She sat in the seat Cathryn was in before and hugged him. She held him close to her as he cried and cried.  
"It's ok." Vic repeated softly. "It's ok." After a while he was in a state which Cathryn though he could speak in, though he still cried holding onto Vic as she held him back. "Do you remember what happened mr Sugden?"  
"Yes." He said through tears. He closed his eyes and hugged Vic closer.  
“Robert can you tell me what happened?” Cathryn knew Gordon hadn’t admitted anything and that the only prove was the DNA, which Gordon’s lawyer could say was due to consensual sex, and their case would be made easier if Robert didn’t say what happened. She didn’t except the next whispered words out of Roberts mouth, almost too quiet to hear.  
“It happened again.” He said in less then a whisper.  
“What happened agin?” Vic said shocked but kept her voice as calm as she would to a small child.  
“Someone raped me.” He said in that small whisper agin. 

“So when did you book them for?” Aaron asked walking into the kitchen to make himself a coffee.  
“Tomorrow.” Chas said.  
“Right, thanks.” It was getting late now and he just wanted to go to sleep in his own bed, but he knew his mum would probably want to sit watching him all night. He walked back and sat on the sofa. He turned the tv on and found a show he knew his mum liked as much as he did. “Gonna watch it with me?” He asked and she sat on the sofa with him. Things were awkward between them Aaron could feel it.

Vic hugged him and looked at Cathryn confused.  
“Mrs Barton could you leave?”  
“No.” Vic said quickly but she could tell she had to go again. “Im gonna be just outside Rob, ok.” She stood up and left.  
“Robert.” Cathryn asked, she wasn’t sure if she’d get a response again, he looked half frozen. “Im Cathryn I’m here to help you ok. Can you tell me what happened?”  
“I don’t want to.” Robert said quietly.

Aaron on the sofa when Adam walked through, Chas was stood in the kitchen.  
“Aaron."  
“Hi.” Aaron replied quietly. Adam walked over to him and sat down next to him. It was clear neither of them really knew what to say. Aaron looked to his mum and she left knowing its what he wanted. “Hows Robert?” Aaron asked quietly.  
“Im not sure mate, haven’t heard from Vic. Its you I’m worried about Aaron. Why didn’t you tell me? Just say something…”  
“Like what?” Aaron snapped, no loudly but half confused. “Bring up in conversation that mu dad stuck his hand in my shorts when we’d watch the telly? How’d you think I could just tell you that?”  
“I don’t know.” Adam said softly. “I don’t know. I just wish I could of helped.”  
“You couldn’t of done anything when it happened, I didn’t even know you. And after, when I came to the village I just wanted to forget it happened.”  
“Im gonna be here for you now, when ever you need me.” His phone pinged.  
“That Vic?” Aaron asked so Adam looked at his phone.  
“They’ve left, Roberts gonna stay there for awhile though.”  
“How is he?” Adam could see Aaron was desperate so phoned Vic.  
“Vic?”  
“Adam.” Adam could hear the sadness in her voice.  
“How is he? Are you ok?”  
“He’s talking, kind of, which I guess is good.” She was trying not to cry as she sat in the car as Andy drove them home. “He’s going to stay there for awhile, they don’t know how long.”  
“If he’s talking again that must be good Vic.”  
“He said it happened before.” She said now crying down that phone. Diane, who was sitting in the back with her, hugged her.  
“He’ll be ok, we'll get through this.” Diane says as she hugs Vic.  
“I’ll be home soon Adam. Can we talk when I get back.”  
“Sure Vic. I’ll be here for you ok. Bye.” Vic hung up and he turned back to Aaron.  
“He’s talking again?” Aaron asked.  
“Yeah. Aaron…” Aaron could tell where this was going, he wanted to ‘talk’.  
“Im fine.”  
“Aaron? Your not fine.”  
“Like I told my mum. I’ve dealt with it for ages, I’ll deal with it now.”  
“No Aaron, you dealing with stuff is me pulling you out of a smoke filled garage. Its you having scars all over yourself. Talk to me please mate.”  
“Mums booked me in with my psychiatrist. Im seeing them tomorrow.”  
“Good.” Adam said calmer now. “Just make sure you look after yourself.”  
“He’s gone now, things have to get better now right?”  
“Yeah. I’ve gotta go, be there for Vic I’m sorry.”  
“Its ok, go be there for your wife.”  
“Are you going to be ok?” Aaron nodded and Adam left, shortly after Chas walked back in.  
“Can I go to sleep?”  
“Of course love.”  
“You gonna sit watching me all night?”  
“No, but Cain’s taken everything dangers out of your room.”  
“Mum?” Aaron said more out of hurt knowing that she didn’t trust him, though he knew she was right to. “Ok. Good night mum.”  
“Good night love.” He could hear her voice break a little. 

Aaron woke up in his pretty much empty room, virtually everything was gone. He knew why though, if he wasn’t so tiered last night he knows it wouldn’t of been good to have anything sharp in sight. He walked downstairs to see his mum and Diane talking on the sofa. “Their going to try and talk to him today.” Diane said.  
“Aarons going to see someone today too.” Chas said. Aaron walked out into the living room. “Love.” Chas said when she saw him. “Are you ok?…”  
“I just want some food.” He said and his mum jumped from the sofa.  
“What do you want?”  
“I don’t know just a bacon sandwich.” She went to the kitchen and started cooking as he sat down on the sofa. She was glad he hadn’t come down earlier, when she was crying.  
“How are you doing pet?” Diane asked and he nodded and shrugged.  
“Hows Robert?”  
“I dont really know, we left when he wanted some sleep.” She didn’t tell him that after he said he didn’t want to talk he rolled over and stayed quiet again. That Cathryn couldn’t get a response out of him so they let him sleep. He looked to his mum in the kitchen.  
“What times my appointment with the psychiatrist?”  
“2.” She said, she didn’t want his too see her red eyes, or the dark bags under them. 

Robert was awake. He sat on his little bad, long legs crossed under the covers. The woman he vaguely remembers from last night walks in.  
“Robert.” He looked to her then looked back down to the covers.  
“I want to go home.”  
“I don’t think thats wise.” He felt like gagging, he didn’t know why but it felt like there was something pushing against his throat. It was the second time that morning. “Robert are you ok." She stepped closer seeing him look more distress. She grabbed the bin from beside his bed quickly and passed it too him. He threw up into the bin then cried softly again.  
“I want to go home, I want Aaron.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't written in ages and also sorry that this is short. Next chapter Im probably going to have Aaron talking to his psychiatrist (Sorry if thats the wrong word theres so many different names.) and he might show that he's putting up a front that he's ok. Sadly he might break down or maybe even go back to hospital.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its quite short I wanted to post it now as I haven't posted in a while.

“Robert….Robert would you like me to take the bin? Or do you feel like you are going to be sick again?” The woman asked in a kind voice, as if talking to a child. Robert nodded and passed the bin to her before hugging his knees. She passed it to a nurse who walked in with a red plastic bowl that she swopped for the bin. “Would you like to have this or for me to put it on the floor incase?” She asked and Robert took the bowl and placed it beside him on the bed. Robert looked at her as she sat back down and passed him a glass of water. He drank some before putting it on the small table.  
“You don’t have to talk till your ready.” Robert looked to her then down before sucking in his lips and bitting on them before they popped out again.  
“I…I want to.” Robert said quietly.  
“You’d like to talk about last night?” Robert froze, looking to no where, before quickly saying.  
“No.”  
“Ok. We don’t have to talk about anything your not ready to.” Robert seemed more ridged, like he’d changed his mind or gone back to how he was last night. “Do you still want to talk?”  
“I don’t know.” He closed his eyes and hugged his knees closer. “I just don't want to feel like this.”  
“Like what?” He opened his eyes to let tears fall down.  
“Like this.” He said the words like ‘this’ was the worst thing he had ever felt, of could be felt. 

Chas drove with Aaron sat beside her in the car, he looked out the window at the fields as they went past.  
“Its good that Roberts talking.” Chas said trying to fill the suffocating silence. Aaron made a agreeing sound and nodded. “I told you he’ll get better, just like you will.” Aaron turned from the window and looked at her.  
“Get better?” He said sounding slightly angry and confused. “You think because he’s not a mute he’s better? That this will ever be better?"  
“You know thats not what I meant…” Aaron turned back to the window.  
“Its fine.”  
“No, I’m sorry. I know this isn’t going to just go away.” He could hear tears Chas was trying to keep back. “But maybe you can get closure, move on with your life, and maybe Robert can too.”

They stayed quiet as Chas drove them to Aaron’s appointment. She walked into the waiting room with him. They didn’t have to wait long for a tall dark woman to walk out of a room and say his name. He followed her in as Chas stayed sat in her chair. When the door closed she put her hand over her face as she cried softly. 

“Mr Livesy.”  
“Aaron.” He replied quickly. “Please just call me Aaron.”  
“Ok.” The room was a light cream but not quite white and had green tables with a cream coloured sofa and armchair. “Take a seat. The tall lady said before sitting on the cream chair. Aaron sat on the sofa and fiddled with his sleeves.  
“Would you like to tell me why your here Aaron?” She asked in a kind voice. Aaron looked up, looking a little surprised and very uncomfortable. “I thought you would already know.” He said slightly panicked.  
“I do, but i’d like to here you.” Aaron bit his lip and looked to his lap. “So Aaron, could you tell me why your here?”  
“Its cuz of Gordon.” He said, slightly forcing the words out. He could tell she wanted to here more. “Because of what he did to me.”  
“Gordon's your father?”  
“Yes.”  
“Can you tell me what he did to you Aaron.”  
“You already know.” He said wiping away a tear that was rolling down his cheek. He could tell she was about to say something, probably ask him to say it anyway so he told her. “He abused me.” He said stopping another tear. “Please I had to go over it all with the police. Please I just don’t want to again.”  
“Ok, its ok Aaron, we can talk about it in another session.” He nodded and sucked in his lips while wiping away the tears. “How do you feel now? That you’ve told the police? Do you feel better…”  
“No.”  
“What do you feel?”  
“I don’t like it, I don’t like this. Everyone knows and I cant deal with it."  
“So you’ve told people..”  
“No. Mu mum did, he walked into the pub after I told her and she flipped…Then he told us about Robert.”  
“He’s your boyfriend, Robert, yes?”  
“No.. I don’t know. I don’t know what we are. I just know that… that he’s in a hospital because of me.”  
“Aaron what happened to him wasn’t your fault.” Aaron shook his head and let a few tears fall.

“Are you ok madam?” A man asks Chas.  
“Im fine, I’m fine.” She says wiping away her tears.  
“Are you waiting to go in or…”  
“No, no. Im waiting for my son.” She said shakily. “Its my fault he’s in there.” He could here the heartbreak on her voice.  
“Come on lets sit in my office.” The man says opening a door and Chas walks in before sitting in one of the many leather arm chairs.  
“Here.” He says passing over a box of tissue’s.  
“Im so sorry. Im sure you have people you need to see.”  
“No not for another hour.”  
“Well I’m fine. I just need to be there for my son.”  
“Can I ask, confidentially I assure you, why is your son seeing someone.”  
“Because I left him, I left him with that monster.” Chas saw he was intrigued, she closed her eyes momentarily then told him everything.


	10. Chapter 10

Vic jumped form her seat when she saw Roberts doctor.  
“How is he?”  
“He looked like he was making inprovmen.”  
“What and he’s not now?”   
She looked like she was unsure of what to say. “He said he wanted to talk, but you must understand it takes time.”  
“So did he talk?”  
“A little.” The woman said reassuringly.  
"Can I see him?"  
“Ok, follow me.”

"It is my fault though. If I never told him, just let it go.”  
“Aaron non, non of this is your fault. Don’t blame your self for telling people…”  
“Can we not talk about that anymore?”  
“You don’t want to talk about much do you Aaron.”  
“Not really no.”   
“Ok, but I want you to know you can talk about anything with me. Anything at all.”  
“I know.” Aaron said looking down and playing with his sleeves.  
“What do you want to talk about? Because we have a while left of are first appointment, one of many I usure you.” The woman crossed her legs and looked at him for a moment before deciding to talk again. “How about your guilt issues?” Aaron huffed a laugh and wanted to comment on how that would take more then 45 minutes. “Ok, you’ve told me you don’t want to talk about what happened.” Aaron looked up. “So why don’t you tell me how it made you feel.”  
“I told you how I feel.” Aaron said looking back down again.  
“You’ve told me how you feel about people knowing, not how you feel about it or how it made you feel.” Aaron looked up again and shoved his hands into his pocket.

“Robert you have a visiter.” The woman said after she had walked in. He didn’t seem to acknowledge her presence till Vic walked in and spoke.  
“Hi Robert.” Vic said trying to see how he’d react. He looked flustered for a moment before slowly turning his head to look at her.  
“Alright Vic?”   
“Yeah. Andy and Diane wanted to come but…” She did really know what to say. Andy felt guilty about everything he’s said to Robert and Diane couldn’t get away from work with Chas gone with Aaon.  
“I’ll leave you two too it.” The woman said. “I’m just outside ok.” She smiled before leaving.  
Vic walked over to Robert and sat down on the chair beside him. “She said you wanted to talk to her.”   
“Yeah, changed my mind.” Robert said closing his eyes and shaking his head a little like he was trying to clear his thoughts.   
“Why?” Robert looked down and she thought she might lose him again. “Sorry, its ok you don’t have to talk to me."  
“I just wanna go home Vic.” He said looking up at her.  
“I know.” She said trying to put her hand on his but he pulled back. “You’ve just gotta stay here for a little bit.”   
“I don’t want to Vic, I just need to go back to the village.”  
“Then you need to talk to Cathryn. About this time and, and..”  
“Before?”  
“Yeah.” Vic said trying to act calm, though she just wanted to hug her brother and cry. “What, um, what happened last time?”  
“It, I didn't think about it as.. as that.” Robert said closing his eyes.   
“Do you want me to get Cathryn back in, to talk to?”   
“No.”  
“Ok, tell me.”

Chas still sat in the mans office with him.  
“Finding that out must be very hard.” The man said.  
“I just never thought… I cant believe he’d do something like that. To my little boy. I left my little boy all alone with the man I trusted and he…” She started to cry again. The man gave her the box of tissue’s that Chas put back of the desk earlier.  
“This isn’t really my area but I can give you the card of one of my colleges, someone who specialise in this kind of thing.”  
“Thank you. Its just been nice to talk to someone.”  
“Its ok.”  
“Im going to go wait for my son now, thank you.”

“What do you mean how it made me feel?”  
“When it happened.”  
“I thought it was normal, didn't know any better. When Sandra came, it, it didn't happen as much. He told me not to talk about it.”   
“How did you feel about Sandra?”  
“I hatted her."  
“Lots of children resent people for not knowing…”  
“It wasn’t that.”   
“It was that she was taking him away from you.”   
Aaron nodded as tears fell. “How disgusting does that make me? That I was jealous of my own step mum?”  
“He manipulate you Aaron. Thats what they do, its not your fault you felt jealous. Its very normal.”   
“When it happened he told me I was special."  
“When did it happen?”   
“Not, not all the time. Less when Sandra came along, he stopped when my sister was born. We, she’d go out and me and my dad would watch tv.”  
“What did you watch?”  
“Football, the news, he didn't really care. Not like he watched it.”  
“What happened, when you’d watch the tv?”  
“He, sometimes he’s do stuff to me, or make me do stuff to him. Sometimes he’d just make me do stuff to myself and watch.” Aaron let a few more tears fall down his cheek. “I’d enjoy it, I wanted to make him happy. It makes me wanna throw up, how i’d do anything he told me to.”   
“Is that why you started cutting yourself again? When he came back.”  
“Yeah, I’d tried to forget it all. But then he came back and I couldn’t stand myself.”  
“You have to forgive yourself Aaron. Forgive yourself for how you felt.” Aaron nodded wiping away his tears. “Im sorry but times up, I’ll book you another  
appointment .”  
“Thank you.” Aaron said.  
Aaron walked out and hugged Chas.  
“How’d it go?” She asked holding on like she’d lose him.”  
“Good I think.” He said before they left.

“Ok, tell me.” Vic said and Robert opened his eyes and looked at her.  
“No.” He said softly, not wanting her knowing he used to sell himself, or tell her the story of when it went wrong.  
“Please Robert. If you keep being stubborn then your gonna be here for longer.”  
“I’ll talk to Cathryn tomorrow.”  
“Ok. I have to go back now.”  
“See ya."

A week later Vic got told Robert could come home. Cathryn said he’d talked to her but that he was still fragile. He'd gone quiet or non responsive a few times the longest of which was 10 hours but she was happy if he'd be ok staying with family. She gave Vic a list of appointments she wanted Robert to come to and also told her how to help Robert. Vic moved some of her stuff and most of Roberts into Debby's place after she left with the kids. Her and Andy drove down to pick him up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't about what Aaron has gone through in the show (incase anyone not read the other chapters) so what he thinks isn't actually how I think he would feel if you get what I mean.

Diane hugged Robert when he walked through into the living room of Debbys house.  
“Good to see you pet.”  
“Good to see you too.” He said before Diane went to get him a coffee.  
“You ok with living here?” Vic asked Robert quietly.  
“Yeah, aslong as I don’t get the pink room.” He smiled.  
“Nar we put your stuff in Debs room.” Andy said. “We’ll leave you alone to adjust.” Andy said noticing how uncomfortable Robert looked. He knew it wasn’t surprising considering he was on his own for most of the time in there. He knew Robert had had visitors, including the 3 of them, but not all at the same time. Andy and Diane left leaving Vic and Robert in the house.  
“Does everyone know I’m back?” Robert asked sitting on the sofa.  
“Yeah.”  
“Right.” She knew what he was asking, Aaron hadn’t gone to see Robert at all and she knew how much Robert wanted to see him.  
“Hows the case and all that going?” Robert hadn’t wanted to talk about that when Vic had visited him and she felt a little shocked.  
“With your statement to the police and the DNA its looking like we’re gonna be able to get him sent down.”  
“And what about for what he did to Aaron? Is he gonna go down for it?”  
“Are lawyer said its looking like with what he did to you the jury will believe what Aaron’s saying.”  
“Good.” Robert said fiddling with the sleeves of his long sleeved t shirt, the one he wore after he got shot. "I'm gonna go take a shower." 

Adam came into the porta cabin and sat down at his desk.  
"Do you know Roberts back?"  
"Yeah."  
"He's staying at Debs if you wanted to.."  
"I don't." Aaron said getting on with his paperwork. He just wanted to distract himself. They spent the day working and though Adam tried to talk to Aaron he just blanked him. He tried to go straight up stairs when he got home but Chas stopped him in the hall.  
“Love, Im guessing you know Roberts back.”  
“Yeah.”  
“Right.” Chas said like she was trying to find her next words. “If you want to talk to me I’m here or if you want to go see him….”  
“Its fine mum, really, I’m fine.” Aaron said trying to sound convincing.  
“Right, good. Well you’ve got a appointment tomorrow anyway so you can always talk too..”  
“Yeah, I know.” Aaron said.  
“K love.” Chas was worried about him but she didn’t want to push him. He’d had a few sessions and he seemed…she didn’t know, happier maybe, after every session. He walked upstairs quickly and took a shower. People kept asking if he was going to see Robert but the truth was he couldn’t bring himself to face him. He just wanted to watch TV or get drunk or both but once he was out of the shower Cain text him. He knew Cain wouldn’t bring Robert up so he went to have a drink with him instead, turns out he was wrong.  
“So how you feeling about Robert being back.”  
“Has mu mum put you up to this?” Aaron said putting his pint down.  
“I was actually genuinely interested. Fine how are you in general? Look I just don't want you getting set back by him being here. I know you must of thought about him...”  
“Im not going to see him.”  
“Didn’t ask you too." Cain said and they both sat in silence for a while. "You know its not your fault right?”  
“Yeah I’ve been told, lots of times.” Aaron said picking his drink up and swirling the liquid round staring at it. “Its not that.”  
“What is it then?”  
“Don’t matter.” He said drinking the last of his beer.  
“Ok, but what ever it is your gonna talk to whats her face about it.”  
"Yeah." Aaron said. "Can we stop talking about it now?" They spent the next few hours talking about other suff, Aaron avoiding any questions about how he was, before he passed out drunk on his bed.

Adam walked into Debby's place, well now Robert and Vic's, and saw Vic on the sofa. He hadn't seen her since yesterday, the day Robert came home.  
"You ok?" Adam said sitting down.  
"Yeah." Vic said as if snapping out of a dream.  
"Did you sleep last night?"  
"No." Vic replied as if it was a stupid question.  
“Vic. You have to sleep, for his sake as well as your own.”  
“I know just.. I couldn’t last night, it was the first night he hadn’t had nurses right next door, I wanted to make sure he was ok.”  
Adam sighed and hugged her. Robert walked down stairs in a pair of joggers, a t shirt and a hoodie, his damp blond hair drooped over his face.  
“You had another shower?” Vic asked.  
“Yeah, to wake me up for the morning or what ever.”  
“K.” Vic said. “I can make you some breakfast if you want.” Robert looked like he wanted to say he’d do it himself but after looking towards the kitchen he closed his mouth and nodded. Adam watched Vic get up and walk into the kitchen as Robert sat down on the arm chair. He looked more nerves and agitated then he normally did. Adam always thought Robert looked arrogant but now he looked like he was scared.  
“Im gonna go Vic.” Adam said standing up, he knew before when more then one person visited him at a time he didn’t react well.  
“Ok, I’ll see you later maybe.” Vic said walking out of the kitchen.  
“Yeah.”  
“He left because of me didn’t he?” Robert said when Adam had closed the door.  
“He has work to get on with.” Vic said trying to reassure him.  
“I don’t want you to not be able to see your own husband because of me Vic.”  
“At the moment your more important. Im fine being away from Adam for a little while.” Vic walked back into the kitchen and Robert fiddled with the sleeves of his hoodie. 

“Take a seat Aaron.” The woman said after Aaron walked into her office. He sat down where he sat the last session and the times before that. “How are you feeling?” She asked in a kind voice. Aaron didn’t really know how to answer that and it looked like the woman could see. “I heard Roberts gone home.” She said.  
“He’s staying at Debs, my cousins, old place. He… he was attacked in his home so.” Aaron inhaled through his mouth and looked up how he does when he doesn’t know what to say. “Guess he couldn’t go back there.”  
“Have you gone to see him?”  
“No.” Aaron said his eyebrows knocking together looking at her. “I…I don’t want to.”  
“Thats understandable. You don’t have to go see him.”  
“Everyone else thinks I should. He was there for me when I told him about, you know.”  
“That doesn't mean you have to be there for him, he has his family. Sometimes you have to look after your self first. But if you do want to see him thats perfectly fine, it might even help you.”  
“Hows seeing him traumatised and broken because of my dad meant to help me?”  
“When he’s better, it might help with your guilt.” Aaron looked up again, she could tell he didn’t want to hear this. “He’ll probably tell you himself this wasn’t your fault...”  
“Yeah but every time I see Robert I’ll see him! What that sick pervert did to him!” Dr. Brown handed Aaron some tissues.  
“Ok. You don’t have to see him. I don’t want you having to go through something triggering.” Aaron looked at her almost ashamed. “Aaron, if seeing Robert reminds you of Gordon or what he did to you, you have nothing to be ashamed of."  
"It doesn't matter."  
"Aaron is there something else? You can tell me, I wont judge I promise."  
"I just keep thinking about what we did when I think of Robert."  
"What Gordon did to you?" Aaron looked away from her. "I promise you, what ever your feeling thousands of people that have gone through what you have have through, what ever it is..."  
Aaron looked slightly angry, but angry with himself more then her or anyone else. "Tell me what your thinking." She said. He looked at her and he did trust her.  
"Why he never..god I my hate self for thinking it."  
"Why he never wanted to do that with you? He manipulated you its perfectly fine to think like that."  
"But why does it make me feel, un wanted. I mean I was jealous of my step mum when I was younger, but I'm not jealous of Robert. Im so glad that we never... but.."  
"You cant help wondering why? Don't feel ashamed for wondering, he manipulated you to thinking that molesting you meant he loved you. You grow up believing that so now a part of your brain, a part that maybe still believes the lies he told you, thinks he didn't love you. But the rest of your brain knows what he did was wrong, and wasn't love, so feels ashamed for believing the lies."  
"You want me to convince my brain or something? Because I know, believe me I know that wasn't love."  
"You might always have a small part of you believing the things he told you, he was your father, a man you trusted and grow up with. But that voice will get smaller, it will fade into the back ground and you wont think like that anymore."  
"K." Aaron said feeing emotional.  
"What are you going to do about seeing Robert?"  
"Your right, seeing him is to much. Triggering or whatever. But I'll try, I wanna see him. He wasn't always that great for me but he's really been there for me before, you know."  
She looked intrigued now. "Aaron? Would you like to talk about your relationship with Robert?” 

Robert stayed inside after he got out, Vic didn’t want to push her already fragile brother. She noticed he always seemed a bit panicked, almost claustrophobic, when too many people where round to visit. She didn’t like to leave him on his own that much either, but she could tell he didn’t want to keep her from going out. He’d had a session with Cathryn and he told her how he felt about being back, but not all of it. He didn’t tell her how he felt sick when there was too many people in the room or how sometimes he was. How he had nightmares that left him running to the toilet to throw up or shaking. He didn't tell her how every time he heard the door he was petrified for some reason that it was Gordon but also wishing like mad it was Aaron. 

Tonight though he was going out. He knew he had to go out, for his own good and he wanted Vic to worry about him less. Vic's smile when he said he wanted to go to the pub made him sure he wanted to go. He told her it would only be one drink at most, maybe even just going to see Diane then going home. Vic told him he could leave when ever he wanted and she’d be there for him. He decided to where jeans and after putting on a shirt, then taking it off because the fabric felt to tight on his chest, he decided to put on his white short sleeved t-shirt and his leather jacket.

It was so long since he had last had a pint at the pub, or even gone near it. He stood with Vic outside for a moment before they walked in. Robert dug his hands into his pockets as Victoria walked in front of him into the pub. It was a Tuesday so it wasn’t very busy but Robert still felt panicked. He walked up to the bar with Vic and could tell a few people were looking at him.  
“Alright pet?” Diane said to Robert. “Its good to see you out of the house, proud of ya.” She smiled. "What can I get you?” Diane asked them both.  
“You sit down Robert I’ll get them.” Vic said noticing that Robert looked a little out of his comfort zone. He went and sat in a booth out of the way as he waited for her. They sat for a while drinking their pints, Vic could tell Robet was still nerves as he was tapping his leg lightly under the table and he kept quickly looking round before looking down to his drink again. She was going to talk to him when she saw Roberts eyes darting to the bar, when she looked round she saw why. Aaron was quickly getting himself a pint before he saw Robert and Vic sat at the booth. Robert and Aaron looked at each other for a moment before they both looked away and Aaron quickly went back into the back room.  
“Robert are you ok?” Vic asked but Robert put his drink down and started getting up.  
“I just need the toilet.” Robert said quickly before running off to the mens. When he got in there he quickly went in a cubicle before throwing up into the bowl. 

Aaron walked quickly back into the back room and put his drink down before sitting down holding onto the arm of the sofa.  
“Are you ok love?” Chas said running over seeing Aaron look a state.  
“Robert was in the pub. I thought I wanted to see him but I cant do it.” He said quietly before wiping at his teared up eyes.  
“Its ok.” Chas said sitting beside him on the sofa. “Its ok to get emotional.” She said rubbing his arm to try and calm him down.  
“I hant seen him since before…” Aaron trailed off thinking about it.  
“I know love.” “Did you want to go back out there? Talk…”  
“No.” Aaron said quickly. 

Robert walked out of the cubical and splashed water over his face. He hung onto the side of the sink as his emotions got the better of him before he slid to sit on the floor. He was trying so hard just to stay sat in the pub but when he saw Aaron he just couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to go home, wanted to walk out and just go home, but he couldn’t. He didn't want to walk home on his own, he hated how useless and scared he felt but he just couldn’t do it. He took his phone out and texted Vic.  
‘Can we go?’  
‘Sure, where R U?'  
'In the mens.'  
‘K.' Vic text before leaving her seat. Some how she knew Robert wasn’t ok so she opened the door to the mens. When she looked down she couldn’t help be reminded of the night they found him, he looked so small and broken. She walked over and helped him up before hugging him.  
“Im sorry Vic.” He said into her hair. "I tried but I can't handle being here.”  
“Its ok, at least you tried hay.” When they got home Robert walked straight upstairs and Vic lent against the kitchen counter.

Aaron walked upstairs after tea and sat on his bed, he stared at himself in the mirror tapping his leg. His eyes moved to his draws before he stood up and walked over.

Adam walked into Debys house and saw Vic in the kitchen crying.  
“Hay what the matter?” He asked hugging her.  
“Its never gonna be the same is it?”  
“What happened? Did he have one of his blank outs again?” He asked moving so he could see Vics face.  
“No. We went to the pub and I found him on the floor in the bogs crying.” Adam hugged her again. “I miss him.” She said trying not to speak to loudly that Robert might here them. “Who?” Adam asked slightly confused.  
“My smug dickhead of a big brother.”  
“He’s still here.” Adam said trying to comfort her. “He’ll get better.” Robert stood up from where he was sat in the hall way and walked into his room. He wrapped himself up in his blankets and laid down head on the pillow and cried himself to sleep. 

The next morning Aaron rolled over on his bed and woke up hissing. He lifted his t-shirt up to see the fresh scars on his chest. He touched them lightly before pulling his hand away in pain. He got up and took a shower.

Robert stood looking into the bathroom mirror, he hated how he always felt panicked. Felt like he was going to be sick. He thought about yesterday after he saw Aaron and how he couldn’t help throw up. He thought about how he made Vic cry and how he couldn’t even have a pint in his local. He looked in the mirror and saw the toilet reflected behind him. He stared at it for a moment and thought. He desperately wanted to get better, and there was only on thing he could think of that made things better. Stopped him over panicking once it was over, through so far it was a reaction after he had a nightmare or, well, after he saw Aaron again. He just wanted something to make him fell better.

Aaron stepped out of the shower closing the steam covered door behind him and stepped onto the bathroom floor. He looked down at the two new scars on his chest wondered how Robert was coping. He knew the court case was soon and that he might have to be there when Robert gave his statement. He did want to see Robert, he thought about what Dr. Brown had said. Maybe if he decided to go see Robert on his own he would see the man he loved and not his childhood. 

Robert walked down stairs and Vic was a little shocked at seeing him in jeans and a t-shirt rather then joggers and a hoodie.  
“Planning on going some where?” She said standing up from the sofa.  
“Thought Id try and go to the shop, do you want anything?”  
“Robert don’t push yourself. After yesterday..”  
“Vic. I want to, I need to. I need to feel less useless.”  
“Your not useless. I’ll get my coat and come with you.”  
“K.” Vic thought Robert was going to change his mind for a moment before he spoke again.  
“Come on, lets go.” Vic smiled as she followed him out the door. She walked close to him as they walked down the road and into the shop. After a few moments of being inside Robert bumped into someone.  
“Watch it.” The younger man said before he saw who it was. “Robert.” He said surprised.  
“Um.. hi.” Robert said and Vic was worried for both of them, she didn’t want what happened yesterday happening again. “I should of told Diane id be in the pub yesterday so she could tell you..”  
“I get it if you don’t want me around.” Aaron said looking down, hoping to run off and leave the shop.  
“No. Ive missed you, I thought…” Robert trailed off, not knowing what to say.  
“I was gonna come see ya but… Didn’t think you’d want to see me.” Robert looked at him confused. Vic spoke.  
“You can come see him when ever you want.” Aaron nodded to show his agreement before walking off. “Come on, lets get something for lunch.” She said to Robert who was still looking where Aaron had walked out of the shop. 

Adam went over to Debs house to have dinner with Vic.  
“How are you?” He asked sitting down at the table.  
“Good. Robert went with me to the shops earlier.”  
“Thats good, thought yesterday went really bad though?” Adam said surprised. "What changed?”  
“Don’t know.” Vic said with a smile. “Looks like he’s really improving though.” Then she said with more worry in her voice. “We ran into Aaron though.”  
“That would explain why he was so quiet today then.”  
“I don’t want him getting worse because of seeing Robert...”  
“No, it looked like he was thinking. I think he still blames himself, for what happened to Robert, he thinks Robert blames him too.”  
Robert stopped at the top of the stairs when he heard Vic telling someone how they ran into Aaron. He should of known Aaron would blame himself. He lent against the door frame of the bathroom as Adam continued to tell Vic how Aaron was getting better when Robert was inside. But that he knew he was worrying sick about Robert, how he was more concerned about him then himself. Robert walked into the bathroom and held the door as he closed it so that they wouldn't hear it. He walked over and opened the lid of the toilet before he stuck his fingers down his throat. 

Aaron played with the food on his plate before Chas put her knife and fork down.  
“I hate seeing you like this. You were improving so much before Robert came back.”  
“Its not his fault.” Aaron said looking up.  
“Oh love I didn’t mean..” Aaron stood up. “I just don’t want him upsetting you.”  
“Im going to bed.”  
“Love…” Aaron closed the door and Chas heard him walk up the stairs. 

Robert knelt back and sat on the floor letting his breathing calm down. He stood up slowly and looked at himself in the mirror.  
“You ok Rob!?” Vic said through the locked door.  
“Yeah, I’m just gonna take a shower!” He shouted back.  
“Right me and Adam were wondering if you were ok with us going to the pub!?”  
“Yeah you two go! I’ll be fine!” He said not believing it.  
“Ok! Bye!” He waited till he heard the front door close before letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. He closed the toilet lid and sat on it putting his head in his hands. 

Aaron sat on his bed and touched a scar on his chest that hurt more then the rest. He decided not to worry about it as he grabbed his knife.

Robert looked over and saw a razor, he thought about Aaron and how he used to talk about his self harm. Robert could never rap his head around it so Aaron tried to explain, he got it now. He reached over and picked it up before taking out a blade. He held it in his hands as he lifted up his shirt. He held the blade to his skin and pushed as he pulled it across before flinching and he pulled the blade away. He held onto the cut deciding it didn’t help and lent back in pain. He got in the shower and turned on the hot water as he lent against the wall.

Aaron put his knife away as he laid on his bed, he couldn’t help it, he knew it would just make everything worse, but it just helped. It helped him not think about anything else, the court case, Robert, what happened to him and what happened to Robert. He felt a little dizzy but he didn't care, just made it easier to fall asleep.

Robert got out of the shower and hissed as he moved and his cut stretched. He saw the blade and quickly chucked it and the razor in the bin shoving it under some of the other rubbish. He decided what helped, and it wasn’t that.


	12. Chapter 12

Vic was making herself breakfast when Adam walked in.  
“Alright?” Adam asked walking up to her.  
“Yeah. Hes upstairs.. Or not.” Vic smiled as she saw Robert walking down the stairs. “You two want some food?” She asked and Robert nodded, he wanted something to get the acidy taste away. He’d brushed his teeth but he had been sick only a few minutes ago so the taste was still there. 

Aaron woke up slowly, un tucking his head from the cover and peeking out to see the light coming through the gap in his curtains before deciding to roll over to avoid the light. He hissed in pain and grabbed his side before re-adjusting himself so he could lay with out feeling it. He laid there for awhile before lifting himself up and walking into the shower room. He looked at the new cuts on his chest in the mirror and pulled at the one that hurt more then the others as the shower ran before moving his hands away and climbing into the shower deciding not to think about them. He let the hot water run over him as he thought about what Dr Brown had said. Robert said he missed him. He wanted to push himself to see him, even if it made him feel worse. He knew deep down he wanted it to make him feel worse. After he got out of the shower he walked downstairs to find Chas with two plates full of food. “Hungry?” She asked.   
“Yeah.” He sat down at the table. “Sorry for running off last night.”  
“Its ok. I didn't mean it like that love.”  
“I know."  
“But he wasn't the only one who got hurt by that monster. I want you to look after yourself. I thought we could have lunch together, in the village or go to Hotten or something.”  
“Sounds nice.” Aaron said feeling guilty for hurting himself again. “Im gonna be at the scrap yard again today so I can get a couple hours off.” Chas smiled and they ate in silence.

Even though Robert looked like he was doing better Vic still felt bad about leaving for work with Adam.  
“You gonna be ok?” Vic asked her brother as she picked up her bag.  
“Yeah, Im just gonna take a shower and watch the TV. I’ll be fine.”  
“Ok. Dianes gonna come and see you though. I would come back at lunch but..”  
“Thats kinda the only time you work Vic.” He smiled and she smiled back.   
“Ok.” She said walking over to the front door to stand next to Adam. “I’ll see you tonight.” She said before walking out the door. As soon as the door was shut Robert ran up stairs. 

When Aaron got to the scrap yard Adam was already there as he walked into the portacabin.  
“I heard you ran into Robert and Vic yesterday.”  
“Yeah.” Aaron said. “I didn’t think Id run into him this soon. You know see him round the village.”   
“He’s doing better.” Adam said trying to reassure Aaron. “He’s getting there.”  
“Good.” Aaron didn't know what else to say, he just wanted Robert to ‘get better’."  
Aaron was actually having a good day, him and Adam managed to have a laugh as Chas pulled up into the yard. Her smile grew as she saw something she hadn’t seen for ages, Aaron smiling.   
“You ready for lunch?” She asked once she had walked over to the pair.   
“Yeah, you gonna be ok on your own?” Aaron asked Adam as he took off his gloves.  
“Yeah.” Adam said with a smile, he was so glad to see his friend happy again. 

Diane knocked on the front door and shouted that it was her as Robert walked down the stairs.   
“Alright pet?”   
“Yeah.” Robert put on a smile as he let her in walked and over to a chair in the kitchen to put down the towel he was drying his hair with. He pulled his hoodie further round him as he turned to face Diane.   
“I thought you might be hungry.” She says as she lifts up a bag.   
“Already eaten.” Robert says looking down to his hands in his pockets.   
“Ok, I get your not a child I’m not trying to suggest you cant get your own food.” Diana says seeing that Robert looked a little uncomfortable.  
“No.” Robert says looking back up to her. “I wasn't trying to… sorry.” He took the bag and placed it on the side. “Thank you, I’ll have it later.” Robert could see Diane looking at him like she knew what the matter was with him and that scared the hell out of him, making it look more obvious something was wrong.  
“Are you worried about the plea hearing?” Robert looked at her confused. “You don’t have to go, well its not for a few days you don’t have to decide yet.”  
“You think he’s gonna say he’s not guilty.” Robert said sitting down at the kitchen table, his hands coming out of their pockets and holding the edge of the place matte.   
“Even if he does he’s not gonna get away with this, what he did to either of you two.”  
“You don’t know that.” Robert said looking down quietly, to himself. Diane sat down and was going to put her hand on his but se remember the last time she tried. In the hospital when she went to visit him and he flipped. She couldn’t deal with the heart break of seeing him crying and scared again though she knew he seemed much better now.  
“What if he gets away with it?” Robert said quietly still looking down. Seeming to be going into his own little world. “What if he comes back.” She reached forward and put her hand over his not wanting to lose him. He jumped and lost his breath for a moment before returning to reality. Diane let him pull his hands back and he held them close to him before shoving them back into his pockets. “Sorry.” He said quietly, slightly confused and hazed.  
“He’s not going to come back here. And he’s not going to hurt you again, I promise.” Diane said with a determination that sounded like she’d make sure of it no matter what. Robert wanted to say it wasn't him he was worried about but decided agents it.

"Enjoying that?” Chas smiled as Aaron finished his burger.  
“Its very nice.”  
“It was very nice. You’ve finished before I’ve got half way though mine”  
“Your too slow.” Aaron smiled. “Ive missed this.”  
“What?” Chas said putting down her burger. Aaron did his little I don’t know frown and shrugged.  
“Talking, laughing.”  
“Im always here if you want to talk. Laughing or not.”  
“Thanks.” They went home and Aaron had a good rest of the day.

It was later then expected when Vic finally got off work. She unlocked the door to fine Robert on the sofa.   
“Hi. Sorry I’m in late.”  
“Its fine Vic.” Robert said as she sat down next to him.   
“Didn't have a shower earlier then?” Vic asked, seeing that his hair was still very wet.  
“Yeah, decided not to have one earlier. Had one when Diane left.”   
“Ok.” Vic said not really caring what time he had one but trying to make small talk with him. "You eaten?”   
“Yeah I’m fine. I wanted to talk to you.”  
“Oh. Ok what about?”  
“You don’t have to stay here. I know you miss Adam..”  
“I want to stay. I…at least till the trials over. I want to make sure your ok. I mean you haven’t, you know blanked out, but Ive heard you throwing up in the mornings. Your still getting nightmares and I don’t want to leave you on your own.”  
“You hear me?” Robert said quietly.  
“Yeah, I know its just being scared or whatever and you cant help it, but I want to be here…I don’t know, I want you to know your safe.”  
“Ok.” Robert said. “Oh Diane left some food round.” He said as Vic walked into the kitchen. “You can have it.”  
“Aww your so kind.” Vic said half sarcastically as she peeked into the white bag.

The next 2 days were similar, Aaron going to work and Robert staying at home alone. Aaron felt better but he couldn’t get the thought of Robert out of his head. He sat in his car in the scrap yard thinking. He wanted to go see Robert, needed too. He jumped when Adam knocked on the window.   
“You ok mate?” Adam asked once Aaron had rolled down the window.   
“Yeah, nearly scared the life out of me though.” Aaron got out the car and walked into the portacabin. Aaron bit his lip and Adam could tell he wanted to say something. “What is it?"  
“I didn't know if I should, if I could.. go see Robert maybe.”  
“Yeah, I’m sure he’d love to see you. If you want? Vic’d be at the pub if you wanted to see him alone.” Aaron nodded but Adam could see Aaron was trying to paperer himself, breathing to try and calm himself down. “Hey.” Adam said in a kind voice. “Your both be alright. Made of strong stuff you two. And what happened wasnt your fault. You need each other.” Aaron nodded and took a deep breath before he headed of and got back in his car.

Robert was sat on the sofa flicking through the channels when he heard a knock at the door. He sat on the sofa and looked in the direction of the door for a moment , jumping when the person knocked again.   
“Rob?” Aaron shouted through the door and Robert jumped from the sofa and answered the door.  
“Aaron?” Robert said once he opened the door. Aaron looked at him for a moment, he looked beautiful with his damp hair and pjs on. Then he remembers how he’d hardly ever seen Robert in Pjs except the time after he got shot. “I wanted to see you.” Aaron said.  
“Ok. Um, come in.” Aaron walked awkwardly, he didn't really expect to get this far and now he didn't really know what to say or do.  
“I um… Vic said I could come round the other day so...” He turned to face Robert. “Your looking much better, from what I’ve heard at lest.” Robert didnt know what to say either, tell him he’d missed him like crazy and he felt like Aaron was the only one who might understand him. Understand what he’s been doing.  
“If..” Aaron started. “When your… you’ll still have a job at the scrap yard, when your up to it.”  
“Thanks.”  
“I’ll um..I’ll go. Adams on his own up there.”  
“Yeah. I get it.” Robert had so much he wanted to say to Aaron, but he just couldn’t so he let him leave. Aaron felt a little better once he’d left. He’d thought about seeing him a lot and actually doing it was 100 times less bad then he thought it would be. Robert phoned Vic and asked if they could go out somewhere, which Vic was definitely up for. 

Vic and Robert got home and sat down on the sofa.   
“I need to go out more." Robert smiled.  
“Don’t push yourself hey. What do you want for tea?” Vic said standing up again.  
“Im not hungry.”  
“Well I’m starving.”  
“I think I’m gonna go to bed.” Robert said getting up.  
“Robert.” Vic shouted as he started walking upstairs and he stopped and looked back. “Glad we went out.”  
“Me too.”

Aaron and Adam sat in the pub having a pint. Aaron downed the rest of his pint as Adam complained about Ross.  
“Hes not that bad.” Aaron laughed.  
“Im not a baby sitter. And the scrap yards no place for Moses.”  
“I was the one looking after him most the time.” Aaron said.  
“Well its not like you aren’t related to the kid.”  
“Your his uncle. Anyway Charity's coming back in a few days Im sure she’ll look after him.”  
“Yeah right.” Adam laughed and Aaron agreed. “Any way. I wanted to ask how you felt about tomorrow.”   
“Im going.” Aaron said, the joyful mood broken.  
“And I’m coming with ya. I asked how you felt.”  
“How’d you think I’d feel. Im trying not to think about..everything. Im gonna deal with everything in the morning. Tonight, tonights about getting drunk with my mate.”  
“Deal. My round?”  
“Alright.”

Robert walked down stairs to find Adam and Vic talking in the kitchen.  
"Breakfasts on the table.” Vic said noticing him.  
“Thanks.” Robert said sitting down and the other two followed. After a while Robert noticed Adam and Vic looked awkward at the table as they ate, he wanted to ask what it was but he felt like he already knew. It was going to be about him. Vic spoke seeing how Robert was looking at the two of them.   
“I’m not gonna be here today. I thought Diane could come round and…” She didn't really know what the last part of the sentence was meant to be.   
“Where you going?” Robert asked eating some more but he put his fork down when he saw their faces. “The plea hearing.” He said quietly, remembering.   
“I didn't think you’d want to come.” Vic said.  
“I don't.” Robert said quickly. "Is Aaron going?”  
“Yeah, its the plea for… both offences.” Adam said. Robert almost laughed at that word. Offences!? An offence was nicking something from a shop or getting into a fight. It wasn’t doing that to your own kid or what he did to Robert, he couldn’t think of a word to fit what he had done. Non seemed big enough or heart breaking enough to explain what he felt when Aaron told him what he did. Or for what he had done to him. He didn't laugh though, he sat quietly and pushed his food away. “Are you gonna go?” Robert asked Adam. “He’s gonna have his family I’m sure of that, but he needs his mate there.”  
“I’ll be there for him.” Adam said seeing how much Robert wanted Aaron to have someone at the hearing. “Ive gotta go.” He said standing up and kissing Vic on the cheek.   
“It doesn’t matter what he pleas, well get him sent down.”  
“But if he says he’s not guilty, we’re have to prove he is Vic. I’ll.. his lawyers gonna ask me questions in court and try to prove I’m lying.”  
“Its gonna be ok. No mater what happens I’ll be here for you, we all will.”  
“Thanks, I don’t want Diane round again today if thats ok.”  
“What ever you want."

Aaron sat in his room trying not to go get his blade. He stood up just before Chas knocked on the door.  
“You ready?” She asked through the door and jumped a little when Aaron opened it. 

They all drove in silence. Vic and Adam didn't fit so chose to take Adams car as Cain, Lisa and bell joined Chas and Aaron in Chas’s car. Aarons hands felt sweaty as they all sat out side the court room and Adam and Vic joined them. The voices ran round his head till he finally had to say what he was thinking.  
“What if he says he didn't do it?” Aaron asked.  
“Then we will deal with it.” Chas said. “We’ll prove that he’s lying."  
“How, the only evidence is the DNA from…what he did to Robert. Theres nothing to prove that I’m telling the truth. We haven’t even found Sandra.” He was right, the police had tried and failed to find her. She was the only one who might of been able to help but Aaron let go of hope of finding her. And even if they did, she wouldn’t help.  
“We’re get through this on are own. Their see the truth.” Chas said trying to believe in the law for once. Soon after they were let into the room, Aaron sat there and looked down as he heard Gordon say the same things each time. Not guilty. Aaron felt like bursting into tears but didn't want to show any emotion in front of him. Vic almost cried though, as Chas shouted and was repeatedly told to be quiet. Aaron saw the tears running down Vic's face and grabbed her hand.  
“Come on love lets go.” Chas said and Aaron nodded before they walked out and waited for he others to come. “He’s not going to get away with this.” Chas told him, but the hope that he might be found guilty slipped further and further away.

Diane had gone to see Robert anyway and was only a few minutes into her visit when Vic called. Robert stood in the living room, feeling guilty for wanting her to be gone when she got the call. He listened intently as Diane took the call.  
“He pleaded not guilty.” Robert said once the call had ended.  
“Yes.” Diane said and Robert looked up trying not to cry. “Sit down I’ll make you a coffee.”  
“I want you to go.” Robert said sharply.   
“Robert.”  
“No.” Robert looked at her. "Please Diane, I just wanna be on my own.”  
“Ok pet. I’ll come back later and…”  
“No. Just…I just want to be on my own.” Robert watched as Diane walked up the path before he fell into a heap on the floor crying. He hit his head back on the wall and closed his eyes. He knew Gordon would of probably said not guilty but he couldn’t face going to court and proving that that man had actually raped him. He didn't know if he could even say the words, to himself let alone a room full of strangers trying to see if he was lying. And Aaron. He felt guilty for almost forgetting about him. That he’d have to go through everything that happened to him when he was only a child again. Get called a lier or a fantasist or what ever Gordon's lawyer might call him. He knew how bad gordon even being around was for Aaron, he almost died, and he’d have to go through it all again. He pulled himself up slowly and walked upstairs again.

It was a long drive home for all of them. Chas saying how he wasn't going to get away with this as Aaron couldn’t think of anything else. He kept thinking about the trial and being called a lier, Robert being called a lier. Every angle Gordon's lawyer could take. Saying that Robert agreed to sleep with him and Aaron making this up to get back at him, what happened to him being someone else or a delusion or what ever else they would say it was. And he kept imagining him on the stand, Gordon's lawyer going through each way that they were lying. By the end of the car journey he’d gone through so many plausible stories that he got to the lawyer saying it didn't count because he joined in. That he didn't tell him to stop, well he did many times but the lawyer didn't seem to care about that. Each time the jury looked at him like he was dirt and at Gordon like he was a poor victim. And each time Aaron lost hope of winning, each time he felt smaller and smaller. He was snapped out of his thoughts when the car stopped. He looked down at his hand to see he had made it bleed by digging in his blunt nails so held it trying to hide the cut. 

Adam went to see Aaron as Vic walked into the house. He felt bad for leaving her but figured she’d want to be with Robert but when he got to the pub Chas said Aaron didn't want to see anyone. That he told her to tell him to go so he walked back to see Vic. Aaron was sat on the sofa when Chas came back in the room.   
“Aaron..” Chas started as she sat down.  
“Hes not gonna get away with it. Yeah you said.” Aaron said with no emotion.  
“Hes not, hows he meant to explain the DNA in Robert” Aaron cringed. “,him going to a flaming mental hospital and your statement? He cant say what happened to you was a lie but he also had consensual sex with Robert.”   
“He could.” Aaron said bluntly, not wanting to hear Chas talk about what happened to Robert anymore. “Say he’s bi and..that Robert agreed. That it had no link to what I’m saying. That just because he’s,” Aaron wanted to say into guys but that wasn't the right word, into kids. Into making people do things they don’t want to. “not straight doesn’t mean he’s a pedo.” “Could even say suggesting it was homophobic.” Aaron laughed.   
“Hes not going to convince the jury your homophobic.”   
“Not saying I am, that the jury is. That them thinking that he had..sex..with Robert that he must also be into kids. He’s gonna convince them Robert agreed.”  
“Well he’s not going to convince them Robert faked having a breakdown.” Aaron wanted to argue, tell his mum everything the lawyer in his head said, but he knew there was no use. That he’d just upset or worry her. That it was best she thought he still had hope.

Adam opened the door and saw Vic in the kitchen cleaning franticly. “Vic?” He said walking over. He saw that every surface of the kitchen was clean. “Vic leave that, its gonna be ok.”  
“No its not, Robert knows what he said. He’s asleep which is good, well I think he could be dead on his bed for all I know. He just came back from a psychiatric ward hows he meant to stand in front of a lawyer and be called a lier.” She spoke quickly, almost to quick for Adam to understand, as she scrubbed the work top. Vic put away her cleaning things quickly into a plastic carry pot and grabbed the handle walking past Adam upstairs. “Vic calm down.” Adam said chasing her but not wanting to shout incase he woke Robert. “Its going to be ok.” He said following her into the bathroom. She took out her stuff again and walked over to the cupboard. Adam walked over as she started to cry. “We don’t have any bleach,” Vic said holding the empty bottle a mess. "I brought some when we moved here.” Adam hugged her and let her cry on his shoulder. “Its gonna be ok.” He said holding her tight.  
“Hows any of this going to be ok?” She asked hugging him back. “Its never going to be ok.”

Aaron walked into his bedroom and sat down on his bed. He laid down on top of the cover and cried. He lied there for a while before getting up and opening his draw, he looked at the knife. He slid his hand under his shirt and ran his hand along the raised skin on his chest before quickly picking up the knife.


	13. Chapter 13

Robert opened his eyes slowly, confused for a moment before remembering where he was. He tried to move and felt a pain running through him, he fell back onto the bed. Robert tried to remember how he got into bed in the first place and vaguely remembered having to stop himself from falling in the bathroom. Putting the almost empty bottle of bleach back after his shower he felt like he was going to faint so he went to bed. He sat up slowly grabbing his stomach and got up. He dragged himself downstairs and for once Vic wasn't up before him. He shuffled along the floor and dizzily opened the fridge door, grabbing the quickest thing to prepare and eating it at the table. He walked back over to the fridge once he finished and grabbed more already cooked food before shutting the door and walking upstairs back to bed. 

Aaron groaned and almost couldn’t sit up in his bed at first. He pealed his shirt up and looked at his chest. Last night he cut over old scars, not the ones he made after Jackson he couldn’t bring himself to go near them with the blade. The ones he made before everyone knew what had happened to him before Robert was attacked before he told Robert what Gordon had done to him. He managed to pull himself out of bed and slowly walked to the shower room. 

He pushed himself to go back to work, though his mum told him to have the day off. He wanted to do the work, wanted to tire himself out. Adam had to ring up a number of clients to tell them he couldn’t make any pick ups or deliveries as he didn't want to leave Aaron on his own. After a few hours he picked up his phone again and called Cain, hoping maybe he could help.

“Robert?” Vic said opening her brothers door. He was half asleep on his bed wrapped up in his covers, hiding the empty food packets that surrounded him under the covers. “Your meant to be seeing Cathryn later.”  
“I don’t want to go.” Robert said weakly.  
“Please, its good for you.”  
“I don’t feel well. Cant you rearrange it?”  
“No.” Vic said sternly. “Come on, your going to get out of bed and go. Your not going to let yesterday beat you.”  
“I’ll get dressed if you leave me alone.” Robert said weakly.  
“Good. I’ll see you downstairs in a bit.”

Cain pulled up at the scrap yard and Aaron chucked a peace of scrap down onto the pile forcefully seeing the car pull up. “You call ‘im?”  
“Yeah.” Adam said not feeling guilty about it at all before walking back into the portacabin.   
“Heard you haven’t been doing so well.” Cain said walking over.   
“What? You thought I’d take it well?”  
“No. Honestly I didn't expect you to take it any other way. Thought we could have a talk.” Aaron looked away frustrated. “Fine. You’ve got a meeting with Ms brown or what ever her name is tomorrow, which I’m personally gonna take you too. Since you skipped your last one.” Aaron looked down, he didn't know Cain knew about that.  
“Does mu mum know I skipped it?”  
“No, I picked up the phone when she rang. Why’d you skip it anyway? You’ve been going to the others han’t ya?”  
“Yeah.” Cain didn't look convinced. "I swear I have.”  
“Good. Tomorrow your gonna talk to her and tell her everything and she's going to help you. Stop you from working yourself to death.”  
“Ok.” Aaron said but he didn't seem very happy about it.  
“Come on your having a break.”

Robert walked down stairs again and saw Vic and Diane in the kitchen.  
“Bacon sandwich on the table.” Diane said seeing Robert before she turned back to Vic to continue their conversation.  
“Not hungry.” Robert said walking into the kitchen where Diane and Vic were. “We going?” He said grabbing his coat and he left with Diane.

Aaron and Cain sat in the cafe, Cain drank his coffee as Aaron ate the sandwich Cain brought him.  
“Hows the scrap yard doing?”  
“Its doing aright.” Aaron said.  
“Good.”  
“We don’t have to do small talk you know.”  
“I know.” Cain said like that wasn't what he was doing. “Im just trying to get you to have a longer break.”  
“I don’t need one, doing work helps.”  
“It better just be the distraction, if your hurting yourself…”  
“I’m not.” Aaron said interrupting him. “When can I get back to work?”  
“Let me buy you a muffin, you like the blue berry one right?” Cain said getting up.  
“Yeah.” Aaron said quietly, he felt a pain running through his chest but tried to ignore it.

Andy came round to the house and Vic looked in a rush as she was still trying to take out the rubbish.  
“Here let me take that.”  
“Thanks, I have so much to do but I have to go to work and…” Vic said quickly.  
“Hey.” Andy said stopping her. "You go I’ll do what ever you need doing round here."  
“Really?” Vic asked and Andy nodded. “The bin in the bathroom needs emptying, the dish washer needs filing and the floor could do with a hoover if you have time.”  
“Yes. Now go before Marlon gets in a mood.”  
“Thank you.” She ran out of the house grabbing her handbag and Andy walked over to the dish washer.

Robert sat opposite Cathryn in her office and he was feeling slightly better then before, he didn't feel like he might faint but he didn't want to have to have a conversation.  
“How are you doing Robert?”  
“Alright.” He said bluntly.  
“You sound it.” She said. "I heard about the plea hearing.” Robert looked down. “How are you feeling about having to be in court?” Robert stayed quiet not wanting to answer.  
“Robert, how are you feeling about standing up in court?”  
“I don’t want to go.”  
“The prosecution…”  
“I... I don’t think I can do it. I’ll probably just make it worse.”  
“Standing up in court is your choice but it would help yours and Aaron’s case.” He looked up when she said that, before looking down again. “Your stongeranuff to do it if thats what your worried about. You’ve come this far and…” Robert stood up from his chair.   
“I don’t want to be here. Sorry.” He walked out and Cathryn followed him quickly.  
“Robert?” Diane said seeing him come out early.  
“I want to go home.” Robert said.  
“Ok pet, what did Cathryn say?” She saw her coming out of her office quickly trying to catch up to Robert who was walking out of the building. She stopped next to Diane.  
“He said he didn't want to stay, but Id like to see him the next time we have a booking."  
“Thank you.” Diane said before running out after Robert. He was stood beside the car waiting for Diane to un lock it. “Robert, what happened I thought you like coming here and talking to her.”  
“I don’t feel well I just want to get back.” He almost said home, but he doesn't have one of those anymore did he? The place that was starting to feel like him was Vic’s house, but he doesn’t know if he can even go back there again.

“Right I’m off.” Aaron said getting up slowly. “Thanks for the food and all but...”  
“I’ll drive you up there.” Cain said getting up as well and Aaron rolled his eyes but let him drive him back. “You take it easy yeah.”  
“Don’t worry I will.” Adam didn't let him do anything other then paper work and though it was mind numbingly dull his stomach felt better for it. 

Andy had done the dishis and hoovered the floor when he walked down stairs with the bin bag from the bathroom. It was just a Tessco bag and broke over the floor. He grabbed another bag before picking the stuff up and putting it in there. He did a double take as he saw something shining on the floor when he put some make up stained tissue in the bag. He picked it up slowly realising it was a razor blade, a bloody razor blade. He sat on the sofa thinking and almost jumped when Robert walked through the door.  
“Didn't expect you back yet.”  
“Came home early. Wheres Vic?”  
“At work.” Robert walked into the kitchen and Andy followed, blade in hand. “Whats this?” Andy said holding it up and Robert turned around to see what he was talking about, stopping when he saw it.  
“Please tell me your not..I know Aaron used to...”  
“Im not.” Robert said quickly but Andy could see he looked scared.   
“Lift your shirt up then.” Andy said Robert didn't do anything. “Robert.”  
“It was just the once I swear, please don’t tell Vic she’ll…”  
“What? Be worried about you? Lift your shirt up, please.” Robert looked down and slowly lifted it up to just above the cut as Andy walked forward. He knew he was skinner then before but hoped Andy wouldn’t notice, he didn’t as his eyes went straight to the deep cut that ran from just above his belly button to about a inch above his v line. “When did you…” Andy asked not being able finishing the sentence and Robert dropped his shirt.  
“Just after I came back.” Andy sighed and didn't know what to say. Robert ran one of his hands over his shirt where the cut was and looked down ashamed. “Can you just go. It was just the once and Im not gonna do it again.”  
“Ok. I wont tell anyone, as long as I know your not gonna hurt your self again.”  
“I wont.” Robert said.  
“Right, well if you ever want to talk to me about anything Im here for you.”  
“Thanks.” Robert said more out of wanting this conversation to end, he knew Andy would probably one of the last people he’d ever talk to. But then again he didn’t want to talk to anyone else. Andy left and took the blade with him, throwing it into the bin outside. Robert lent against the wall of the kitchen and sighed. 

The next morning he decided he was going to go to the scrap yard. Aaron said he could when he felt up to it and he wanted to show Vic, and now Andy, that he was up to it. He drove there not knowing who’d be there. He was hoping Adam would be, he didn't know how things would go if it was only him and Aaron there, but as he drove up Aaron was the only one he could see. He was chopping up an old car but he didn't seem too well. Robert got out and walked over to him, getting there just in time to catch him as he fell over. “Aaron.” Robert said panicked but Aaron just tried to stand up again, he looked like the time Robert found him when he had an infected cut. And that made Robert terrified. “Aaron, Aaron have you cut yourself again?” Robert said almost not being able to get the words out his heart was racing so fast. “Yeah.” Aaron slurred quietly, trying to get up again but failing laying in Roberts arms as he carried him to his car. This was the first drive he went on since he got out of hospital, and he was so glad he decided to come. 

He drove them quickly to the hospital and it played out similar to last time. He dragged him in and shouted for help and a nurse quickly got a wheelchair as he told them what was wrong. His vision more blurred then last time and his emotions higher. When they quickly wheeled him away Robert couldn’t go after them, he ran over to the mens toilet and went into one of the cubicles throwing up. He sat on the floor trying to calm his breathing but it didn’t really calm before he got up, washed his face quickly, and went to find Aaron. He was trying not to cry and his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest.   
“Are you family?” A doctor asked him outside of the room Aaron was in when Robert got there.   
“I’m I’m.” Robert shook his head not knowing what he was to Aaron, last time he said boyfriend but he couldn’t say that this time. “I’m his ex.” Robert said quickly. “Please he’s had an infected cut before and he almost died, tell me he’s going to be ok.”  
“We’re doing are best. It would be better if I talked to a family member.”  
“I’ll phone… I’ll phone his mum.” Robert got his phone out with his shaking hands and dialled the numbers as the doctor went back and talked to another doctor who was treating Aaron as well. 

“Chas.” Robert said as soon as she picked up.  
“Robert? Why…”  
“Aarons in hospital.” He said cutting her off. “You need to get here.” 

Robert told her what happened as she ran up to the room and looked through the window. The doctor from before came out of the room and Robert quickly told her who Chas was. He didn’t know if he felt better or worse with Chas there. He knew he felt much worse then last time, worse then yesterday as well.  
“Aaron has another infected wound we are doing all we can to treat it. It seems he has re-opened a few wounds which may need stitching.”  
“O my god.” Chas said. “He’s been cutting again. I thought… we got rid of anything sharp in his room.” Chas said turning to Robert. “Robert.” He just stood there looking like he was going to break down or cry but he didn't. “Robert.” Chas said but he looked too panicked or in his own world to focus on her, his eyes watering a little. She turned back to the doctor who seemed a little confused. “Roberts just got out of a... I don’t know some kind of mental health ward thing.” Chas said panicked, she just wanted to focus on Aaron but she could tell there was something wrong with Robert. “Nurse!” The doctor shouted and Chas stood near the window of the room looking in as they talked and sorted Robert out. He was half with it but didn't talk. He sat down on a wheel chair and cupped his hands putting them on his face covering his mouth and nose shaking. Chas didn't pay much interest instead looked at her sleeping son as a nurse stood over him. 

Aaron woke up slowly and saw his mum sitting in a clear next to him. “What happened?” He asked quietly, slowly working out where he was.   
“You got an infected cut. Why didn't you at least tell Dr Brown you were cutting again? She’s here, told me you didn't go to your last appointment.” Chas said trying not to cry. “Sweet heart.” She said reaching out and touching his arm and he looked away.  
“Sorry mum.” He said voice breaking as he started to cry.   
“Non of this is your fault. Please don’t punish your self for it.”  
“It just makes it easier.”   
“I know love. But thats what we’re here for. To make it easier, to help you get through it."

Robert walked through the front door of Deb's house and it was empty. At the hospital he snapped out of it after awhile but decided it was best not to go see Aaron. He knew Chas would still be there and didn’t want to annoy her or upset anyone. He though going to the scrap yard would make him feel better, but with everything else and seeing Aaron like that it just made him snap. He walked upstairs and into the shower room.

Vic came home a while later as Robert was sat on the sofa wrapped up in his duvet.  
“Where’ve you been? Adam said no one was at the scrap yard.” Vic said walking in before she noticed that he was in his duvet.  
“Aarons in hospital.” He said quietly, emotionally drained.  
“What?”  
“He, he started self harming again and he got an infected wound.”  
“O my god. Are you ok?” She said sitting down next to him.   
“Yeah.” He said but she didn’t really believe him. He sighed knowing Chas would probably ask Diane how he was after earlier and she’d tell Vic. “I… Did that thing again.”  
“Blanked out?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Its ok Robert.” She said stroking the cover where his arm was under. “How long were you out?”  
“It…it was different I was just…not very long its fine.”  
“Ok. I’ll make you a hot chocolate if you want.” He wanted to tell her he wasn’t a baby but he really did want a hot chocolate. He felt so terrible in the hospital, he could half tall what was going on but he just couldn’t do anything. It was like he was seeing in through a window and he was drowning on the other side. He never wanted to feel like that again, and there was a voice in his head that told him a how to make it all better.

Aaron spent that night in hospital with Chas by his side most of the night and Adam came to see him in the morning.   
“Hello mate.” Adam said trying not to look as upset as he was, he could of lost his best friend..  
“Hi.” Aaron replied once his mum had given Adam a small smile and left the room. Once Adam and dropped down onto a chair Aaron could tell he looked like he was almost going to start crying as he wiped his face. “Mate..Im ok don’t…” Aaron said.  
“I know we’re not that great at talking mate but…” Adam sat there with his mouth open for a moment. “Talk to me. If you ever, ever feel like hurting yourself. Please mate.” Aaron was the one who almost cried now, looking away from his friend. “I couldn’t handle losing you. Your my best friend Aaron. I need you mate."  
"Yeah. Im not going to start…you know…”  
“Cutting yourself.”  
“Yeah, im not going to, do that, again.”  
“Ring me if you…if you think your going to. I don’t care if its half one in the morning or whatever! Just call me.”  
“Ok.” They sat there quiet for a moment before he spoke again. “How’s Rob? My mum said he froze again... when I was out of it.”  
“He’s ok.” Adam said.  
“No he’s not. I know he’s not so don’t lie to me please.”  
“Vic looking after him. He’s a bit shaken up and worried about you thats all. I haven’t seen him today so-” Adam shrugged. “He might might be a bit better.”  
“Good.” Aaron said but he still looked upset. “Im sorry mate.”  
“Hey.” Adam said getting up and going closer to him. “Im alright, I just want you to be alright too.” He said putting his hand on Aaron's shoulder and giving it a small squees. “Your gonna get through this Aaron, and I’m gonna be here for you, I promise.”  
“Thanks.” 

Adam left a little while after and drove home. He kept remembering when he had found Aaron in the garage, he couldn’t bare it if he lost him. Aaron was one of the most important people in his life and he doesn’t even know where he’d be without him. He wished he could spend the day sitting with Aaron in the hospital, knowing he’s not getting out till at least tomorrow, but he still has a business to run. And he has to keep it going for Aaron's sake if not his own. 

“Alright love.” Chas says as she walks back in the room with two coffees and sits on the chair. “Wanna put the tv on, see if theres anything good on?” Aaron shrugged so she turned it on and flicked through the channels as Aaron drank his drink. They spent the day watching crap on tv together, except when Aaron had arranged to see Dr brown. He insisted that she went home though, leaving him alone in his small bed over night. He looked round the darken room and strangely felt safe,ish. He knew he couldn’t hurt himself and if he did that there was doctors and nurses just a few feet away in the corridors and other rooms of the hospital. In his room at home he kept thinking about his room as a child, though his room now was very different. This room was completely different though, it didn’t look like a bed room, didn’t even sound like one. And the constant sound of his heart monitor soothed him, maybe that was another reason he liked Robert sleeping beside him. It wasn’t silent. Robert sounded somehow warm and soft, even Roberts snoring was cute. The occasional kicking also somehow comforted him, it made him wake up only to see the beautiful man beside him. As he laid in his little hospital bed he suddenly missed Robert more then anything. His chest hurt with just wanting him there, to be able to hug him and tell him everything would be ok, that he was there for him. But he knew that Robert was going through his own hell. That he couldn’t comfort him because Robert himself needed comforting and Aaron knew he couldn’t be that man for Robert right now either. And that killed him inside as much as being alone right now, stuck in a small hospital bed without the only person he needs right now, knowing that he couldn’t help Robert when he needed him most. He laid his head on the pillow and closed his eyes, wrapping the covers round him tighter imagining Roberts arms around him. 

Robert stood in front of the mirror in his bathroom, the morning light shining in through the little window. He stood topless and stared intently down at his torso. At first it was just the sensation of being sick that made him feel better, then it was starving himself. The pain of not eating made it better, or less of a focus in his mind. The feel of being sick made him feel better too. It made him feel more himself afterwards, he didn’t know why maybe it was because in the hospital he got in a panic and the reflex of being sick ended with that panic going away. He looked down at his skinnier body and ran a hand over his v-line. He could feel the bone beneath his skin and his mouth almost formed into a small smile as he pressed along the bone. His jaw clenched though as he moved his hand upwards and his stomach was still slightly chubby, he pushed it down as he pulled his hand upwards to reach his ribs. His rip cage was starting to be more visible through his skin as he ran his hand over it. Pulling at the skin and pushing at it. When his rib cage was visible enough he’d start eating normally. He would. He knew he just needed to get to the point in his mind and he’d stop. He just wanted everything he was feeling to stop, the memories, the pain he still felt sometimes, the fear. And a voice in his mind screamed at him that if he just did this. It would feel better. He wanted that more then the world. He was still eating. Just not very much and if he did eat a lot, which he found himself doing sometimes when he was alone in the house, he ran upstairs and threw up into the toilet afterwards. It’d be ok, everything would be ok, he knew where he had to reach. Then everything would feel better. Wouldn’t it? “Rob!” Vic shouted from behind the door. “You ok?!”   
“Yeah, give me two minutes!”He said knocked out of is thoughts. He got dressed quickly and dried his hair before opening the door of the shower room. “What?”  
“I need a shower.” He went to step out of the way but Vic stopped him. “I didn’t know if you wanted to go see Aaron, I’ll drive you to the hospital if you want.”  
“Maybe.”   
“Ok, foods in the kitchen.” She said and Robert stepped out of the way and walked downstairs. He looked at the plate of food then to himself, he walked out of the door instead. 

Aaron was alone watching TV slowly waiting for his stitching to heal enough so he could go home when he saw the door open from the corner of his eye, he just assumed it was his mum or a nurses so didn’t bother to move his glance from the tv. It was when he saw the blond entering the room his head shot sideways to look, he thought he must of been imagining it at first. But Robert slowly walked into the room and Aaron turned, turning to face him. “Robert.” He said quietly and the man stopped walking.  
“I wanted to see how you were.” He says looking at Aaron, his eyes examining the younger mans body from a far. His hands dug into his pockets as he stands.  
“Im doing better. Thanks…for finding me, again. Thanks for…for everything.” Robert looked at him eye brows pressed slightly together. He walked forward, closer to the little bed. He was going to sit on the chair beside the bed but Aaron's eyes looked at him and tugged him towards the bed. Aaron shuffled over, making room for Robert to sit on the bed beside him. Robert looked down at him first, then knocked his eye brows together and looked at Aaron with eyes that melted the younger mans heart. He thought Robert was going to talk but it ended with Robert sighing out of his nose looking defeated by the words that hadn’t even left his lips. Aaron couldn’t take it anymore, he reached out and took Roberts hand that laid beside his. Aaron also didn’t have any words, well not any he wanted to speak. They just looked at each other for a moment and they both understood, they both moved a little so they could sit comfortably on the bed. Neither of them spoke as they watched the tv, nor did they speak when Roberts arm, which let go of Aaron's hand, moved behind Aaron's shoulders after awhile. They both sat in comfortable silence, except the tv that they weren’t really paying attention to. Aaron could feel that Robert felt skinnier, but maybe that was just because he hadn’t been this close to him for months. 

He knew he didn’t like it as much as the un toned stomach he laid his head against when they spent the week at home farm, the one he kissed and that laid against his naked torso in the barn, but it was Robert. He’d always love the feel of Robert beside him. He felt like home, he felt like safety and warmth, even though so many times Robert had been the opposite to him. Robert came here to check that Aaron was indeed still alive, he just needed to see that he was ok, his heart was aching with longing to see if he was ok. He wanted to see him then go home, but he should of known that he could never just leave Aaron especially not like this. His heart took over his mind with worry when he thanked him for everything. Scared senseless that Aaron would do something stupid. That he would lose him, he knew he couldn’t get through any of this, no. He couldn’t get through life in general without at least knowing that Aaron was alive somewhere on this planet. He breathed in the sent of the man, hoping he wouldn’t notice, as they watched the tv. He didn’t smell like oil and dirt and sweat, Aaron's sent had somehow developed into something that drove Robert crazy, but instead he smelt like the medical room that was around them. Robert didn’t think the simple way Aaron's smelt would get him emotional but he closed his eyes and hugged Aaron slightly closer and inadvertently smelt him again and Robert felt slightly closer to home. The faint smell of Aaron's overly used hair jell and linxs made the rest of the world feel a blur as Robert laid close to the man. 

Chas walked down the hospital hall way and stopped dead once she saw a figure sitting next to her son on his bed. She too got emotional when she saw who it was, and how Aaron looked. He looked safe, content, not the guilty, shameful looking boy she had sat next too for the last over 24 hours. She decided to leave and let them be happy. They had to be disturbed at some point though and they were by the nurses. Robert got off the bed and him and Aaron shared a look and maybe even a tiny smile sad before he left. Robert wasn’t sure what they were gonna say to each other the next time they met, maybe there wouldn’t mention it again or maybe it would grow into more. He didn’t think he could handle more at the moment though.

“Where were you?” Vic asked as soon as he walked through the door, her voice full of concern and in that soft voice of her’s when she’s worried.  
“Hospital.” Robert says walking in, not wanting her to go on about it.  
“All day?”  
“Yeah. I just wanted to see how he was.”  
“Ok.” Vic said seeing that he didn’t want to talk. “You sit down I’ve made tea.” Robert sat down at the kitchen table, looking small like he always seemed to now days. He looked at the plate of food Vic put in front of him as she sat down and picked at the food with his fork. He looked back up at Vic and put on a small smile before eating some of his food as she ate hers. He picked at the food, moving it round his plate trying to decide how much he should eat. Vic looked across occasionally to see Robert, she couldn’t help watch as he moved the sausages around his plate and pick at then eat his veg. “Your worried about something?” She asked, that being the only reason she could think about as to why he seemed to of lost his apatite. “No just…the usual you know.” He said quietly. putting his fork down.  
“K.” She said and Robert pushed his plate away. “You ok then? In general.” He pulled a small smile across his face.  
“Im fine Vic, don’t worry about me, honestly. Aaron should be home by tomorrow so I wont be worrying about that, I’m not..worrying he’s fine…” Robert sighed.  
“I get it.” Vic said. “Well I don’t. But I get that you love him and you want him to be ok. He’s going to be ok, your both get past this Rob.”  
“I know.” Robert said quietly trying to stop her from worrying about him, something he knew she wouldn’t stop doing. “Don’t you have to head back to work?”  
“Yeah.” Vic sighed. “Call me if you need anything ok.” She said giving him a kiss on the head before she left. He stayed at the kitchen table after she left, resting his head back and closing his eyes, thinking.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a note to say what you think.


End file.
